By KEVIN CHIRI
Slidell news bureau
SLIDELL – Tere Walsh and Mary Ann Haynie have had a bond since they were kids.
The women grew up in the same neighborhood in Metairie, and then re-connected in their adult lives when both ended up on the North Shore, and Mary Ann was teaching at a private school where Tere’s kids began to attend.
Now, both near the age of 60, the women are closer than ever for a reason neither one would have wished for.
Tere and Mary Ann both lost their sons in automobile accidents and both made the decision to allow the organs from their boys to be donated so others could live.
With April serving as “National Donate Life Month,” which encourages others to sign up to be an organ donor should the situation arise, Tere and Mary Ann shared their personal story about losing their sons and why they made the decision to help others, during a time of such tragedy and heartbreak.
“If I can’t have my son, I want others to live through him,” Tere said. “I’m a nurse, so I had talked with my son about this. There was no doubt in my mind I wanted to do this once he got in the accident.”
Mary Ann said that years later, in meeting a 19-year-old boy who received her son’s heart, it was “a ray of hope” in her life that has helped her move on after her son died in a 2002 crash.
“Hugging this young man, and feeling his heart, made me feel so great for deciding to allow my son to be an organ donor,” she said. “It helps to think there are still parts of him alive on this earth.”
Mary Ann’s younger son, Kevin, was a student at LSU in 2002 when he was driving home on the interstate, following the college graduation of his older brother, Jeff. A tire blew out on his Ford Explorer and Kevin was thrown out of the car.
“We went from one of the happiest days of our lives to walking into a nightmare,” Mary Ann said. “We passed the accident on the interstate as we were also driving home. After such a happy time at the graduation, we suddenly have to call his brother and grandparents and tell them what happened.”
Mary Ann said “I was always nagging him to wear his seat belt,” but whether he had it on or not—a question never answered clearly–Kevin was thrown from the vehicle and suffered massive head injuries.
“They said he would be a vegetable if he survived,” she said. “We had talked long before about allowing him to be an organ donor. It does help to do that, even though the pain of losing a child never leaves you.”
After Kevin died, Tere found herself trying to help her lifelong friend, never imagining they would need to be there for each other several years later.
“I felt so horrible for Mary Ann,” she said. “I tried to help her. I sent her cards—we got together for coffee—I did what I could to help her.”
Four years later Tere would face the same tragedy. Her son Matt was almost 22 years old and attending Southeastern Louisiana University. He had watched an LSU basketball game at night, then the group decided to go to the New Orleans French Quarter for a party.
“They were driving home early in the morning and there was one passenger in Matt’s car,” Tere recalled. “Matt fell asleep at the wheel and ran into the back of an 18-wheeler, then went across the road and was hit by another car.”
Ironically, a nurse just like Tere had been her entire life, stopped at the scene and tried to help. But it was all too late since Matt also had severe head injuries and was on life support by the time Tere and her husband arrived at the hospital.
“I knew I wanted to donate his organs because of the work I do as a nurse…I have taken care of trauma patients who became organ donors and I knew I wanted others to live through him, if that was the only choice left,” Tere said.
For both women, now closer than ever as friends, they said the consolation in the losses they suffered comes in knowing they helped others. Many people do not realize how many others can be helped when an individual becomes an organ donor.
Not only can the heart and kidney be donated, but also, the liver, eye corneas, lungs, bones, skin and ligaments.
Matt’s heart saved the life of a 65-year-old man, his kidney went to a 12-year-old girl and his liver saved the life of a 47-year-old woman. But Tere said his corneas, bones, skin and ligaments were also used to help others.
Mary Ann had a similar story, including the 19-year-old teen who received Kevin’s heart.
“The thing that surprised me was that the 19-year-old boy felt bad he was living because of my son’s death,” Mary Ann said. “But it makes me feel so good to know he is alive because of Kevin.”
Similarly to Matt, the organ donations from Kevin included his liver, kidney, lungs for someone’s grandfather, tendons, ligaments, bones and skin.
Tere still is reminded of the pain in losing her son, one of two children she has along with a daughter, Christen. But she not only found some consolation in her son’s donation, but tries to support the Louisiana Organ Procurement Association (LOPA) work in the state by talking to young people.
“I volunteer with LOPA, who participates in a program called ‘Sudden Impact,’ put on by the Louisiana State Troopers that speaks to high school students about driving safety” she said. “The stories of organ donors and recipients are shared and I tell Matt’s personal story about his accident and how he and the rest of the donors have become heroes by donating organs.
“When I lost Matt it was so hard because he was my only son. I was so close to him. He was doing so well at school—on the dean’s list—he was my baby,” Tere added.
“But knowing others have lived because of him gives us a level of peace we never would have had if we hadn’t made the decision to help others,” she added.
Mary Ann said she still struggles with the loss of Kevin, but also finds a level of peace when she reflects on the family’s unselfish donation of his organs.
“I still struggle with losing him. I haven’t cleaned out his room and I can’t give away his clothes, even eight years later,” she said. “I probably never will. But I go on for my other son and my husband.
“You have a choice. Either you wake up each day and feel sorry for yourself, or you live for others,” she said. “And I want to live for others.”
If you would like to sign up to be available as an organ donor in the event of a death, you can register now, and have the information on your driver’s license so medical professionals will know. To do that, or for more information, contact LOPA at 1-800-521-4483 or go online to lopa.org where there is a registration form.